Say it out loud, comfortable misery. Not only does it sound disheartening, it sounds depressing. How many of us go through our day(s) in comfortable misery? We move from one thing to the next, keeping busy, ignoring the discomfort that lies just below the surface. My mentor(s) Lisa Merlo-Booth and Terry Real refer to this as "misery stabilizers". These are the things people turn to instead of facing their issues. Some examples are : Cleaning, shopping, computer, TV, work, alcohol/drugs, gambling, friends etc. Some of it is not all that awful, right? What's wrong with cleaning the house, spending time with friends? The answer is nothing as long as it you're not choosing to avoid spending intimate time with your partner.
The stabilizers allow you to be just comfortable enough to ignore it versus doing the harder work of dealing with what is going on. The idea of tossing away what keeps us in our comfort zone is down right scary, but in order to achieve intimacy we must face our discomfort. Rock the boat, shake it up a bit. This may throw your relationship into confrontation but don't back away. Stay through the uneasyness, respectfully, lovingly and relationally.
Challenge: Take note of your misery stabilizers. What are the things you do to avoid emotional intimacy? Take one of those things off the table for at least a week. (if you can remove more, do it) Take some time to jot things down. For example; how did you feel when you stopped avoiding? How did your partner respond? Avoidance is an intimacy killer, learn how to stay in it.